The Planes...

I am not a flier.  As a family, we traveled by car.  Never by plane.  My sophomore and junior years were my first adventures of flying.  Fast forward...control issues, 9/11, and lack of flying led to a very irrational fear of dying while flying.

I sometimes use the motto of "Go Big or Go Home."  Not wanting to freak out, I saw my doctor and got a prescribed tranquilizer to chill out.  I had six pills...three for going and three for coming back.

Medicine taken, we sat in the plane ready to leave O'Hare.  An older gentleman was not feeling well, locked himself in the bathroom, and after many minutes, he was taken off the plane.  That meant bringing the gateway back.  Some of his family members got off.  That meant bringing the gateway back again.

The pilot came on later and told us we needed to land in West Palm Beach to refuel and to avoid some weather in Miami.  I wasn't ready for this, so I popped another pill as we were getting ready to take off.  What a waste!  After finally getting the "thing" that pushes the plane away working, we were no more up than we were coming down in Miami.  And as we landed, our connecting flight to Honduras was taking off with two of our group members on it.

Now came trying to get 20 people to Honduras on the same flight.  I don't remember much of the time, other than buying a blanket in a gift shop (it was freezing!!!), and sleeping throughout the airport.  I slept on a chair, on the floor, I didn't care where.  We were given vouchers for a hotel and three meal vouchers.  One member got to leave Saturday night.  Five Sunday morning and fourteen of us left Sunday night.

As our flight was on the way to Honduras, the pilot came on to let us and the flight attendants know we would be entering some bumpy weather and to strap in.  Um, dark clouds, lightning, and turbulence...just what I wanted!  When we landed, it was not just me, but I heard several others clap.  You know when people clap when you land, it was a bumpy and stressful flight.

***

Coming back from Honduras, we had had a prayer session the night before and I truly felt like God was asking me to trust Him and His power.  His peace is bigger than my tranquilizer.  I only told one of our translators what I was going to do and as people questioned if I had taken my medicine, I didn't lie, but allowed them to know that I was good.

Taking off from Honduras was tough.  We drove down the runway, made the corner, revved the engines, and STOPPED!  We repeated it.  And again.  By this time, I'm freaking out a little and having an intense conversation with God.  I had seen the pilots looking through manuals and flight plans and was hoping they weren't beginners.  The flight attendant came on and explained that they were adjusting the speeds for the new weight of the plane.  Uh, hello...speed of plane needs to be fast.  Duh!  We took off and it began.

God is so good!  Each flight I was able to switch with a gentleman from our trip that allowed me to sit near his wife.  She was amazing!  She would talk with me, reassure me that it was okay, and rub my back as needed.  I even dozed off a little on the plane (which didn't happen when I had taken the medicine).

I finally let the cat out of the bag and told people in Miami that I hadn't taken the medicine...they were all so proud and excited.

When we were getting ready to land in O'Hare, I guess we had been circling the airport when our plane took a sudden dive.  I was convinced at this point that our plane was going down.  The flight attendant had been walking by afterwards and checked in on me (he knew about my unease) and I told him that I didn't like the sudden dive.  He told me that the pilot has to follow what the traffic controller says.  Nonetheless, I still didn't like it.

Playing around with miniature effect on camera...downtown Chicago

Overlooking Miami...however, don't you hate it when the pilot asks people to look to their right...I envision the plane tilting.

Without medicine...I actually had a personality on the plane.  Not sure if the others cared for it or not.  :)

I LOVED watching planes coming in and being so close overhead.

I'm Back!

I'm back from Honduras and as I said on my status update for Facebook, I feel like I left more of me there and came back with more of who I am.  Not sure if it's possible, but over the next several days, I hope to debrief and process with you as I share my pictures, thoughts, and learnings.

Thanks for all of the prayers!

Love those friends

Tonight, I gathered with some dear friends and laid out my fears, worries, and anxieties, and was met with love, compassion, and grace as they prayed with and for me.  Love, love, love that I have friends that I can just be with.

I am embarking on my second trip to Honduras Saturday morning.  I am excited to go again and will be excited to share as much of the journey as I can with you.

And this part may seem strange, but if you would be gracious enough to pray for me, I would love to return the favor.  One thing that I love to do when I am feeling attacked is to pray for others and take the focus off of myself.  If you leave me a comment (and you don't have to leave your name or be specific) and let me know how I can pray for you, I would be honored to pray while I am on my trip (and afterwards).

Thanks...

Back to the states

Well, for the most part, I've finished blogging about Honduras. But my experience lives on. Going to Honduras has definitely changed the inside of me and the outside will continue to change and grow as time goes on. I'm sure that as I write and blog, Honduras will still affect (is this the right one?) my writing. I pray it does. I pray I always look through these new eyes.

However, something is on my heart and I just have to share it.

After coming back from Honduras for a few days, I went and visited my dad and his wife in VA. I'll accept all of the blame for what I did. While I was there though, they didn't ask about my trip. Didn't ask to see photos. Anything they heard about Honduras is because I brought it up.

She left Saturday morning to go see her daughter and the grandkids. Honestly, I was hurt because I didn't get invited to see them at all this trip. I was leaving the next day and stopping off in Ohio to see a dear friend and her kids (who I hadn't seen in two years - the kids that is). I knew they would be waiting up to see me.

I finally got around to telling my dad that I needed to go around 11. I knew I had between nine and ten hours to drive. And I hate the driving. Yes, I had books and music to listen to, but it gets old for me. At this point, I was frustrated with myself for not having flown there. My stepmom wasn't back yet and was on her way, but it was a two hour drive. I finally decided to go and my dad said he understood.

I tried calling my stepmom and kept getting voicemail over the next few days. After not having heard from her in a week, I tried again. There were many excuses as to why she couldn't answer the phone when I called my dad's line.

I called my sister. She hadn't heard anything on her end, but it just didn't feel right in my heart. Finally, someone became an adult and my sister called my dad to ask him what was going on. Yeah, my stepmom is hurt. After finding out, I e-mailed my dad to have him give her the letter where I apologized for hurting her.

Since then...nothing.

I got an apology this morning from the boy that I babysit. He had a bad attitude yesterday and the first thing he did this morning was apologize...I graciously accepted it and moved on. Overall, this boy is great and why would I let that change my perception of him. I love it when kids can be adults about some things.

It sucks that I apologized and it counted for nothing. It sucks that I feel like I shouldn't call my dad right now. It sucks that it came to this. However, I did the right thing after finding out I hurt someone. I can't do anything else about it.

Wanted to get that off my back.

Random Thoughts

Random thoughts and experiences from Honduras...

• It's important to understand words...especially in another language. I am not fluent, very far from it. However, I'm excited to learn more. I had learned aunt, uncle, mother, father, grandfather, grandmother, sister, brother. That's enough for family, right? Wrong! I had been talking (as best as I could) with a girl holding a young one. She was eleven and the child was three. I had tried to find out whose baby it was. She said, "primo." I misunderstood and thought primo meant first...It means cousin. I was shocked that an eleven year old had a three year old child and then learned later that evening that she had said cousin. Whoops!
• It's important to give the benefit of the doubt. I had used my Spanish to figure out calculator and was asking to borrow it for the team members to calculate money and tips for our translators and helpers. He was showing me the difference in asking for a feminine object versus a masculine object. The team borrowed it and took it into the side room. I, with slow speech and hand gestures, told him that the group had it in the other room and they will bring it back soon. One of the girls from our team behind me in the lobby told me he had lived in Texas...yup, the hotel clerk totally understood English. I removed my foot from my mouth and enjoyed a good laugh!
• Going through security in Honduras was a bit of a chore. I walked through the metal detector and it went off. I had forgotten to take off my name badge around my neck. Walked through it again...it went off again. I got taken aside, patted down, and swiped with the wand. It turns out when you pin up your hair with massive amounts of bobby pins, the metal detector goes off.
• When leaving Honduras, my stomach was still quite upset. I asked for a ginger ale on the plane and ended up not drinking it. Fast forward to going through customs in Miami...fine. Going through security in Miami...not so fine. My backpack didn't come back to me. They took it off the line and put it on the floor. I wasn't quite sure what was going on. The security guard took my bag over to a side counter. I reached over to clip my water bottle onto the bag and he, in a very firm voice, told me not to touch my bag. Oh, okay...I wasn't even sure what had happened...random checking? Turns out I had left the can of ginger ale in there. He took it out, threw it away, and even wiped my bag with a cloth to see if I had any sort of chemical in there. I was shocked, amazed, stressed, and a little excited that I got to see part of the security in action. I'll do better at next security checkpoints in the future.

Rest, relaxation, and crackers

Sorry that it's been a while since I posted. I still have a few entries of Honduras to write about and then talk about some of the lessons that I feel I came away with.

Friday, I woke up sick. The traveler's bug had definitely hit me. On the last full day in Honduras, we always go to the beach (a nice resort) and rest, relax, and reflect on the week. While in your heart you want to go do another distribution, the emotional toll truly does ask for a day of rest. I didn't feel the greatest and ended up eating crackers or granola bars for two days.

The beach was beautiful and we ended up having our driver's son with us (I had requested that he skip school). I ended up for a while with him on the beach drawing in the sand with sticks and creating math problems for him to solve and then having him teach me new Spanish words. His penmanship was gorgeous!

There was also a pier that everyone often jumps off of. A suicide leap of sorts. I walked out on the pier (think old rail road tracks) and sat. The rolling of the water, the wimp that I am when it comes to swimming (I still plug my nose when I go under), and my queasy stomach made for great excuses as to why I didn't jump. Maybe next year...but we'll see. I also need to continue to learn the lesson that just because everyone else is doing it, doesn't mean I need to.

Friday night we went to a church that is in an airport hanger in San Pedro Sula. To say it was large is an understatement. However, to worship the same God with them as they spoke in another language was great! Tough, but great! I wish I knew what they had been singing and what the pastor was preaching. One action that was definitely different is that every now and again, a horn would go off. I guess someone really wanted to say an Amen and they did so with a car horn (or air horn - not sure which...but it definitely caught me off guard).

Please know that as I was sitting there, knowing we were flying home the next day, thoughts continued to plague my mind. I read Crazy Love last year by Francis Chan and one comment about safety continues to stand out in my mind. He wrote about how we always pray for safety, but shouldn't we pray that God's glory be revealed? If something were to happen, could God's glory be revealed more that way than by having a safe trip? In my mind, there was no greater way for God's glory to be revealed than for us to do our work there and then have Him take us home (heaven) on our way to our earthly homes. That is what was going on in my mind as I wrote this...

I thank you in advance for the gift of life. Let me say thank you every that you give it to me.

I'll come back to that thought in another post...

A Sidenote and God's perfect timing...

I think it's only fitting that as I write this, it's raining...

If you follow my blog, you'll know that I was terrified of flying to Honduras. However, I was tired of my fear being larger than my faith. So, go big or go home!

I was definitely scared as we drove up (and down) the mountain (yesterday's post). I had no control and I don't think I had enough trust in the drivers. However, as a lesson I learned when it comes to flying, I'm sure the driver wanted to make it back down safely so he could also get home.

That evening I was speaking with one of the leaders that helps and works in Honduras. He, through a translator, told me that he used to be terrified of flying as well. However, he flies a lot for his work. He said we are like eagles. When there's bad weather, eagles have two choices: fly through or give up. Granted, he told it in a much more beautiful fashion!!!

Fast forward to the next night. I had a dear friend from back home write me encouraging cards for each day (she knew how much this trip meant to me). I was behind and so on Friday, I opened Thursday's card. On the front was an eagle...on the inside were verses from Isaiah 40.

²⁹ He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

³¹ but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

What's even more perfect is that she wrote these cards back in May with the dates that I was to open each card on them. She couldn't have known the perfect timing that God's words needed for me. She couldn't have known the story Johnny was to share. He couldn't have known that she had written to me about soaring on the wings of eagles. But God did. Once again, I am blown away by the perfect timing of my Savior. He so beautifully is ministering to my soul. For that, I am thankful today!

Go Tell it on the Mountain

Literally. We went up the mountain. Up is the key word. We rode in these trucks Honduran style...the back of the pick up truck. For those of you who think you may have a problem with road rage, go to Honduras and drive. Wow...I was shocked at how many times people passed us on curves or with oncoming traffic while we were in the bus. Our driver, Juan Ramon, was the most amazing driver I've ever seen! I'm very thankful for his gifts and abilities.

Back to the mountain. Guys were hired and off we went. As we drove up, you could hear the brakes squeak...I made a mental note to NOT choose this truck as we went back down. However, I did ride down in the same truck...partially because the guys going in the truck were ones I trusted for the most part and knew I would be safe with them. I yelled, "No me gusta, senor," the whole way down. Thankfully, the yellow truck used his brakes. The first truck that went down apparently didn't...they loved it! I, however, do not like roller coasters, and my stomach was a little tense as we drove down.

I gave infant and toddler clothes at this distribution. It broke my heart as young boys (ages 2-4) came through and I had nothing to give them. I have made it a point now to find and collect boys clothing to give for next summer.

After the distribution, we visited a house. Blanca welcomed us into her home and with her husband has at least four to six children (couldn't understand how many stayed there and how many she had). We did have a translator with us. The pastor had chosen a few families for us to bring a housewarming gift and they were able to show us a little bit of their life. At least four children in the house and only three twin beds in the house. Her kitchen was next door. Their house was maybe 15 by 15 or even 10 by 10 with a dirt floor. They used the same water for drinking, washing, and bathing. I did see an outhouse too. The kids go to school from 8-12 when the teacher makes it up the mountain...if it rains the teacher can't make it up (so instead of praying for snow, I asked if they prayed for rain).

I feel like after seeing their home that I waste a lot of time doing nothing. Parts of me do not want to go back home. I love the translators and our group.

As tiring as the distributions are, I love seeing the joy they get. I hate the desperation that you feel as we pack up. I hate that we can't give to all. I hate that they themselves can't pick...that we decide and had it over. These are the issues that I am still wrestling with.

However, I can do something about it. I can act locally with the poor and broken in my area. I can love those that are around me. I can spend myself towards the students and faculty in my school. I can spend myself loving them and giving of my time to them. I can save my money and buy clothes to take to Honduras next year. I can give my time to those around me who need a listening ear. I can needs to turn into action.

Wednesday and Honduras

Our bus broke down on the way to the village. We hung out on the roadside for about two hours. It was a long day, but yet, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Our team came together for two hours and enjoyed life. We made lemonade out of lemons. (Our radiator hose blew, so they had to take the truck back to the city and made six different stops trying to find the one piece they needed.)

I gave away the blanket my mom had made to Lydia for her seven month old daughter because she had reminded me of the baby I take care of here. They both babbled and tried walking holding on to hands.

I shared my testimony at this village.

My name is Cathy and I accepted Christ when I was seven. He's always been my Savior, but the past few weeks, He's shown me more of who He is. I'm a worrier. I get anxious and scared about everything. I was terrified to fly. But what I've learned is there is power in only one thing...the Holy name of our Father, Savior, and Spirit. He alone is my Healer, Provider, Redeemer, Protector, my Refuge. I then read Psalm 91:1-2 - He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.

I pray that He alone can be your rock, refuge, and rest.

Tuesday in Honduras

For me, Tuesday was the biggest day...it was emotional - good and bad. My journal starts at the end of the day, it was easier sometimes to process at the end rather than during. Plus, I think I'm still processing.

Sitting right now in the hotel courtyard and it's raining. What a beautiful sound. It's hitting the green and yellow tarps above me. At our first distribution, we were at a camp. It was gorgeous...similar to Hawaii I was told. When we would present the puppet show and songs, sometimes you just clicked with a few of the kids. Granted, I had limited Spanish, but as a teacher, you just know when you click. I had wanted to take a photo with these two kids, but once one kid heard the word photo, this happened.

At the camp, this grandma had approached me and wanted something...anything. However, since she wasn't on the pastor's list, it wouldn't be wise to go against their wishes and it could also start an uproar. It broke my heart.

However, my brain got the best of me and by the time we had finished lunch and had our free time before the next distribution, I was thinking negatively and needed to get out of the funk. Before getting back onto the bus, I picked up a stick, put my negative thoughts onto it and threw it to symbolize letting go of it.

I'm so glad I did because God blew me away at the next village. Our team leader asked me to pray for Iso who had had some pain and by the end of the prayer, she said it was gone. It was such a privilege to pray for her and with others praying simultaneously in Spanish. (That was one thing I noticed different there than here. When others prayed, many voices prayed at once. Here, my friends and I tend to do popcorn prayer rather pray all at one time.)

God didn't stop there. I ended up talking with the pastor's wife in Spanish to the best of my ability. I found out she was a Sunday School teacher, so I ended up giving her chalk and crayons. They were so thankful that after we had taken them part way home, they requested me and a few others to be in a photo with them. It was an honor!

However, as we were packing up the boxes and getting ready to leave, a man came up and asked if we had any shoes. Unfortunately, we were out. He needed them. His shoes were coming apart at the seams. I could see his skin through the cracks. Since I had big feet...I thought maybe he could try mine. Through a translator, I found out that he was refusing the shoes because he was more concerned about what I was going to do. Oh precious man...if he only knew how many pairs of shoes I had back home that I don't even wear. After loosening up the laces, I am pretty sure he was able to wear them. It was such an overwhelming, amazing, giving feeling...not because I gained anything for it, but just knowing that I was being obedient. And while I wanted to have a photo taken (not to show off, but for remembering), I chose to let it go. Without me knowing, my friend had taken some photos and I stole them off Facebook. I'm so glad I have these now...to remember that I have so much. I can give. Selfishness does not become me. Life is really not that bad.

Honduras continued

First off...this is my 500th post...wow! I hope you current readers will stick around for another 500!

Monday - At our first distribution, I was irritated. After we sing songs, perform the drama, give a testimony, and pray for the people, we set up the distribution. First, the families get their picture taken (families are decided by the pastor beforehand). This can often be the only photo they might have (we use a Polaroid type camera). Then they go through the line. The first day, I was with the shoes. It's hard to just hand them a pair. I looked at the family and had to decide who needed the shoes the most. What floored me was the difference when I go shopping and what they were doing. I am never handed just one item in a store and that's it. I take my time, walk around, grab what I want to try and then go try it on. If it doesn't look right, or fit right, I don't get it. I hardly saw people say no to what we gave. I'm assuming that if it didn't work, they might pass it on to others (at least I'm hoping). I also had brought some necklaces that I had made and just didn't wear. I gave these away to children and women.

At lunch time, we stopped by this palm forest. We saw these leaf-cutting ants there (the kind you see in documentaries). They were amazing! The boys had a great time destroying their line and entering some chaos into their group. We probably watched these ants for 15 minutes. I wish I would have taken a picture.

At our second distribution, I met Sammy. He was at the first house that after I got out of the bus I talked with the family there in the limited amount of Spanish I had. I then made my way down to the school and Sammy followed. The school children got to go then to the presentation and we crowded into the church. It was stifling in there. After our puppet show, I headed outside. Sammy followed. Rachel and I began to make friendship bracelets with thread I had brought. I made one for Sammy and then we began having kids choose three colors and would make the bracelets. Suddenly, it began to rain. However, after being so hot, the rain was definitely refreshing! We sat in the rain for minutes and continued to keep making bracelets because kids kept coming and wanting one. Who were we to say no? Some girls then brought umbrellas and covered us up while we continued making bracelets. Then other girls came and were rattling off in Spanish...I couldn't understand what they were saying and there wasn't a translator nearby. However, we soon figured out that they were telling us that it was time to go...our group was leaving. We quickly got into the truck that the other guy drove with the bus and pulled out to wait for the bus. I saw Sammy looking into the bus and waving and I tried yelling his name, but he didn't hear me. I didn't get to say good-bye to him. However, I am hoping that next year I am able to go to the village or that we visit that same village again. I pray for and think of Sammy daily. He has a bracelet to remember me. I have his picture.

Honduras finally...

I'm finally back from visiting my dad and am able to post some of my journal entries while I was in Honduras. To those of you who read my blog and have already heard many of my stories, thank you! It means so much to me that you want to hear them. While I was visiting my dad, I was kind of bummed because they didn't really ask about the trip. My dad made the comment that people here need the help too, why go to Honduras. It was hard to answer him, because he isn't a walking believer. However, I am on a mission to collect more boy clothing and when we went to garage sales, he would help me check to see if there was clothing before we went on. That was thoughtful of him. I just don't know if he knows how to ask questions about the trip. I volunteered what I could...

Sunday 7/11

I finished reading your Word for the first time. What an honor (and to do it in Honduras)! I feel like now I desire to daily fill myself with your Word. However, I know I watch too much TV...therefore, maybe I could only watch one hour and use the other time to read more, give more, be where you want me more.

What glorious beauty surrounds me here. Let me soak it in! I've definitely missed out on what You've created. However, You can restore us, so Father may You honor where I am now and keep pushing me towards your will. I pray that this week holds unbelievable truth as well as amazing glimpses of your presence!

Psalm 92 NLT

¹ It is good to give thanks to the Lord,
to sing praises to the Most High.
² It is good to proclaim your unfailing love in the morning,
your faithfulness in the evening,
³ accompanied by the ten-stringed harp
and the melody of the lyre.

⁴ You thrill me, Lord, with all you have done for me!
I sing for joy because of what you have done.
⁵ O Lord, what great works you do!
And how deep are your thoughts.

We visited an orphanage and nutrition center today. My heart breaks! So many kids and so few adults to help. Who shows them the love? I think of how much individual time I give the baby that I watch this summer.

We went to a place called the River. Wow...shacks. Kids with nothing. Crowding around us as we passed out candy and bubbles.

At each village, a drama will be presented showing how Jesus heals. What stood out though, was when the director told the guy playing Jesus that in His perfect timing He'll heal them...they have to watch him. Isn't that true? God does heal us and give us what we need...in HIS perfect timing. I can rest in that!!!