Timing

Today's counseling session was Rough. Not just rough little r, but big r. I was fine, until I talked about how my mom will drop me off and then leave me (it brought up a little separation anxiety - remembering those days of college when she walked off into the distance and I was ALONE on campus without a soul in the world - DRAMA). I ended up crying harder than I probably ever have (and with my counselor - bless her dearly). She made sure I was okay and that I was going to be okay for the rest of evening (not go home and cry every other tear I could create).

I ended up rollerblading with my friend (we had just set it up that day at lunchtime) and we talked. As we ended our rollerblading counseling session (love ya K), another friend ran by and ended up coming and talking with me. It was great to catch up with her and hear about her life right now.

I was then going to try and meet a friend to work on some Spanish and instead of having coffee, I decided just to swing by her house. I returned a phone call (I had just blogged about this dear friend the other day - got a new recipe to try - woo hoo) and drove over. Sat with my friend and her family and practiced Spanish.

Ran to the grocery - made some guacamole, black beans, corn, and tomato dish and am finally eating dinner at 9:45.

I am thankful today that God FAITHFULLY provided at every turn of the way today. He knew I would need it more than those people knew!

So, to those of you who I sat, talked, cried, chatted, and laughed with tonight...THANK YOU!

Friends

Tonight I had a friend stop by on her way through my state to hers. It was wonderful to catch up for a little while. She and I have been friends for almost eleven years. We became friends because of a mutual person and ended up meeting each other at an ice cream shop around the Fourth of July. Someone had mentioned that this person was there and I had heard such great things about her from my friend. We instantly clicked and a year later, I had the pleasure of being in her wedding. While we don't see each other as often as I'd like, we make the best of the time we have. And often, it's leaving long voice mails just to update each other on life while we are driving to our favorite grocery store!

I'm thankful I have the friends I have. I love when you can instantly pick up with certain friends regardless of the time apart. I love the friends that I have where you can just sit and not even talk and still enjoy each other's company. I love the friends that let you go to the bathroom when you're on the phone with them (or even better - leave the door open so you can talk while you go).

Today is a day where I feel so incredibly blessed, filled up, rejuvenated, cared for, and loved.

Seriously?

I texted a few of my small group girls today. Wanted to get together with some of them. Haven't talked with some of them lately...okay a long time. One of them responded with, "No thanks."

Really?

What I want to say back is...do you know how much time I poured into you? Do you realize how much that hurts? Do you even care? What does your walk with Jesus look like right now? Is that why you don't want to get together?

I asked her if everything was okay and if I had offended her.

"Everything's fine. I just don't want to talk."

Ouch.

I know I wasn't the best small group leader, but I was a good small group leader. I cared for my girls and tried to be there for them as much as I could. I wish she knew how much those two simple words hurt. I'm glad she was honest, and I'm trying to not dwell on the negative. There are still many more girls in the group that I can try to invest in as they live life. It does make me second guess myself though a little and wonder if I should invest in a new group in the fall or not.

What I focus on...

In class, when we learn something new, it seems to come up over and over. For example, when one of the girls taught us the word shrug...we saw it everywhere! A boy taught us sigh and we found it everywhere. We talked about and noticed the magic of three and it was used all over the books we read.

Translate to my fears of flying...I'm a little on the apprehensive side (mostly because I have no experience) and so as a result of this, I see it wherever I go. I just need to take a breath and relax.

Does that ever happen to you?

Misadventures of Babysitting

Today I had sneezes, spit-up, nose liquid, and yes, bathroom solids on me at some point today while babysitting. Nevertheless (love that word), I'll be back tomorrow to love on her again!

Misadventures of Babysitting

Today was a full day. First, summer camp for the older one and a walk with friends for the baby and I. Later on a birthday party for the older one and a doctor appointment for me (and the baby got to tag along).

By the way, the birthday party was a Civil War theme. Apparently, this young one LOVES history, especially the Revolutionary and Civil War. Upon dropping off the older one, the child popped out in a Union getup. So fun. His house was the Appommatox Courthouse. I told him that I've visited there (one of the few places I've been). He was definitely impressed. When I picked up the older one, he had been Ulysses S. Grant in a reenactment. I smiled as each child received a tin cup and an American flag. It's always interesting to me when young ones show such an interest in certain topics.

Anyways, back to the misadventure today. While I was waiting to pick up the older one from the birthday party, the baby had fallen asleep in the car seat on the way back from the doctor. I left her in the car seat in the house and decided I'd close my eyes too. Sure enough...the doorbell rang not five minutes into my snooze. Unbelievable! I saw the little boy ride his bike away as I walked to open the door. He knew that the older one wasn't home yet. Ugh. How dare you ding dong ditch. I laid back down without opening the door since I had seen him ride away. If he did it again, I was going to have to have a talk with him...he is old enough to know better (six). Again...the doorbell rang. So help me, little one, I'm going to have to ask you not to come over...but there he was 20 feet away from the door. Turns out, it was another neighbor boy and I hadn't opened the door yet to see him. Whoops...that'd be my fault.

Just another day in the life of a babysitter.

Truth coming together...

It's not a secret that I've been attending counseling for the past month to help with my fear of flying. My session on Thursday was tough. Emotionally draining, but good. Because after that, God has gently been showing me scripture over and over. I'd like to share it with you and celebrate His goodness.

In my daily reading (for my 10 for 2010 - read through the Bible in a year - started last August), I came upon this passage - ³I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. ⁴My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, ⁵so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power. - 1 Cor 2:3-5. These verses spoke to me because I am weak. I do have fear. And yes, trembling is a slight action that my insides do when I think about buckling in. However, I am excited that the Spirit's power will be what I rest on...not my own wisdom.

A friend posted on her facebook status this verse - "So I pray that God, who gives you hope, will keep you happy and full of peace as you believe in him. May you overflow with hope through the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 16:13 Yeah, not much to say about that one, but hope is what I want, crave, and desire deeply.

Then as I was reading in a book (intentionally shutting off the tv and reading) about insecurity (Go Beth Moore!), came upon a few verses from Psalm 139. I've read this psalm before several times, but today the words spoke in a new way. I normally read the NIV, but Beth had used the NLT and verse three stuck out like a sore thumb.

1O Lord, you have examined my heart

and know everything about me.
² You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
³ You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
⁴ You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, Lord.
⁵ You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!

⁷ I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!
⁸ If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave,^{a]" style="line-height: 0.5em; ">[a]} you are there.
⁹ If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.
¹¹ I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night—
¹² but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.

My God sees me. My God knows me. My God loves me. It's enough today. It's more than enough. I rest in the shadow of His wings...I rest.

Old Funnies

I collect what my students say. They crack me up. Here are just a few of the conversations that occurred this year.

• We were talking about vocabulary and using the words we learn. A student said that they used this word every day. Another student replied, "You do?" They replied with, "I use it in my mind every day." The other student came back with, "I do that too." I love their concept of using words. :)
• One of my students hurt his crazy bone. (He meant funny bone.)
• We were reading Amelia Bedelia to understand multiple meaning words. In one of the books, I had to explain what icing was (frosting vs. freezing) and prune (the noun and the action). As Amelia iced the fish (put frosting on them rather than freeze them) and then fed the fish to the ladies that had attended a shower, one of my students exclaimed, "Chocolate sushi."
• And one of my favorites...I had a boy who passed gas every day. Every day. Sometimes it was silent, but most days it was loud and during a time I was reading to the class. Go figure. I finally had had enough. I pulled out my Oh Yuck book and read to the class what farting was all about. Flatulence. As I was reading and imparting gross knowledge to the class, my quirky one let one rip. It was loud. It was perfect timing. He let us know that he had done it on purpose. My chocolate sushi girl said, "Looks like he delivered some flatulence to the room." I had to stop and have a great belly laugh with my class. Sometimes you just have to laugh.

Misadventures of Babysitting

I'm babysitting this summer...an actual baby! Plus a second grader (with an amazing vocabulary - right up my writing alley). In trying to help the family, I've been trying to wash dishes, laundry, and just help out with odd chores around the house. My thinking...if I do a little more work, they will have more time with their kids when they get home from work.

Well, sometimes my help isn't help. On Monday morning, I saw that their neighbors had their trash out and the parents weren't telling me when trash went out (so I wouldn't do more work than necessary). I heard the garbage truck coming (the baby was asleep) and I raced to drag their trash can and bags down in time.

The truck slowed and the guy had to ask the driver if they picked up their trash. I guess living in the "city" has dulled my senses of multiple garbage companies. Um, yeah...there are two companies that pick up trash if you're out of the "city" limits. Their trash company comes Wednesday morning. Sheepishly, I pulled the garbage can and bags back up...lesson learned.

Another perk of living in the "city" is free recycling. I just throw it into a bin and they pick it up. Woo hoo...it's almost too easy to be green. Unfortunately, if you're out of the "city" limits, you have to do your own recycling. Uh, I'm waiting for the day that the parents ask why I am sneaking cardboard, plastic water bottles, and baby food jars out of their house in my lunch box and bags. (Even the kids at school bring me cardboard from their classrooms because they know I recycle it.)

Randomness

I am in awe of others.

Tonight I ran into a friend :) while looking at the hammocks at Kohl's. She (without hesitation) helped me carry the hammock in a box from the back of the store to my car and then had coffee with me afterwards and updated me on small parts of her life.

This summer I have a roommate. She amazes me. While she's young, I admire her attention to serving others. She's taken supplies to our church without hesitation. She returned a book for me. She joined me for two six a.m. workouts this week. She loves giving back massages and gave me one tonight (my neck and upper back have hurt for the past six weeks).

I have other friends that remember almost every detail of my life and those around them. My jaw drops when they ask me about minute things in my life. I want to be like that for them.

I hope that by the end of the summer, I am able to be more like my friends. I hope that I listen to the Holy Spirit and do as He asks me. Give as He asks. Speak as He asks. Be as He asks.

Spilling my guts

For those new readers, you're about to get a gutful (I know it's not a word). This summer I am going overseas (for the first time) to Honduras for a week long mission trip. Let's see...what am I anxious about? Let's list them.

• flying
• heat
• humidity
• flying
• no air conditioning and traveling
• flying
• did I mention the flying?

To help with this, I have been visiting my counselor (saw her years ago when I went through natural weight loss to better my insides) and it's been helpful. However, tonight was tough. I went through so many Kleenexes that as I left the building and looked at my puffy eyes in the rearview mirror (wasn't driving yet), I noticed white bits left behind. Wow...that's a bunch of crying! In fact, I was so cried out I had no appetite and was emotionally exhausted.

Through tonight's session, we left with another possibility. Maybe my fear of flying isn't as big as my fear of appearing weak? Ever since I was young, crying was a sign of weakness. Missing my mom on the weekends while visiting my dad was weak. Showing vulnerability and talking about my emotions was met with a "get over it".

It's an interesting thought. I've always cared what people thought about me. In fact, I've cared too much. I'm reading Beth Moore's book on insecurity and also just began The Forgotten God by Francis Chan which is about the Holy Spirit.

I'll let you know how it plays out.

A Nice Compliment

I'm babysitting this summer. A soon to be second grader (right up my alley) and a six month old. Boy, does it make my heart yearn and yet be thankful all at the same time. When I hold the baby and she holds onto my finger as we just sit and cuddle, I yearn. As she's screaming her head off in the car, I'm thankful. It's a give and take relationship! :)

The parents have asked the older one how it's going and he replied with, "She's not like the other babysitters. She's more like a mom."

What a wonderful compliment!

It's official!

It's summer! Okay, maybe not technically according to the calendar. Yet it is according to the school calendar. This summer, I am excited to relax, babysit my friend's kids, enjoy time with friends, tutor a few students, and take my trip to Honduras.