A Sidenote and God's perfect timing...

I think it's only fitting that as I write this, it's raining...

If you follow my blog, you'll know that I was terrified of flying to Honduras. However, I was tired of my fear being larger than my faith. So, go big or go home!

I was definitely scared as we drove up (and down) the mountain (yesterday's post). I had no control and I don't think I had enough trust in the drivers. However, as a lesson I learned when it comes to flying, I'm sure the driver wanted to make it back down safely so he could also get home.

That evening I was speaking with one of the leaders that helps and works in Honduras. He, through a translator, told me that he used to be terrified of flying as well. However, he flies a lot for his work. He said we are like eagles. When there's bad weather, eagles have two choices: fly through or give up. Granted, he told it in a much more beautiful fashion!!!

Fast forward to the next night. I had a dear friend from back home write me encouraging cards for each day (she knew how much this trip meant to me). I was behind and so on Friday, I opened Thursday's card. On the front was an eagle...on the inside were verses from Isaiah 40.

²⁹ He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

³¹ but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

What's even more perfect is that she wrote these cards back in May with the dates that I was to open each card on them. She couldn't have known the perfect timing that God's words needed for me. She couldn't have known the story Johnny was to share. He couldn't have known that she had written to me about soaring on the wings of eagles. But God did. Once again, I am blown away by the perfect timing of my Savior. He so beautifully is ministering to my soul. For that, I am thankful today!

Truth coming together...

It's not a secret that I've been attending counseling for the past month to help with my fear of flying. My session on Thursday was tough. Emotionally draining, but good. Because after that, God has gently been showing me scripture over and over. I'd like to share it with you and celebrate His goodness.

In my daily reading (for my 10 for 2010 - read through the Bible in a year - started last August), I came upon this passage - ³I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. ⁴My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, ⁵so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power. - 1 Cor 2:3-5. These verses spoke to me because I am weak. I do have fear. And yes, trembling is a slight action that my insides do when I think about buckling in. However, I am excited that the Spirit's power will be what I rest on...not my own wisdom.

A friend posted on her facebook status this verse - "So I pray that God, who gives you hope, will keep you happy and full of peace as you believe in him. May you overflow with hope through the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 16:13 Yeah, not much to say about that one, but hope is what I want, crave, and desire deeply.

Then as I was reading in a book (intentionally shutting off the tv and reading) about insecurity (Go Beth Moore!), came upon a few verses from Psalm 139. I've read this psalm before several times, but today the words spoke in a new way. I normally read the NIV, but Beth had used the NLT and verse three stuck out like a sore thumb.

1O Lord, you have examined my heart

and know everything about me.
² You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
³ You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
⁴ You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, Lord.
⁵ You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!

⁷ I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!
⁸ If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave,^{a]" style="line-height: 0.5em; ">[a]} you are there.
⁹ If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.
¹¹ I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night—
¹² but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.

My God sees me. My God knows me. My God loves me. It's enough today. It's more than enough. I rest in the shadow of His wings...I rest.

Reading

I have continued to read every morning through the Bible. I recently finished Deuteronomy and today finished Joshua. I'm actually quite shocked at how attached I was to Moses and when the book ended and he died, I was sad. I didn't seem to connect to Joshua...as soon as I had started the book, I was finished. The one phrase that was repeated over and over again was to love God with everything you have and to be strong and courageous because it takes a lot to follow God. Soon I'll be jumping all over the OT as I read chronologically, but I'm excited to see how events played out through time.

Amazed...

I sat tonight in a Bible study about learning to say no. When I began the journey of reading through the Bible, I had no clue how God was going to weave the details of the OT with anything. From talking with my friend last week and then sitting and listening tonight, I am blown away and humbled. He not only brought in the yoke and part of His character from Moses, but also specific statements made by my friend last week.

To take on Jesus' yoke is to be willing to let go of control and to acknowledge that He is the Lord of my life. Jesus is the source of my rest.

Lately, I feel like I've been a little more short tempered with some of my students...tonight the leader said that in our own strength we burn up and snap...I need to repeatedly bow my head and take Jesus' yoke upon myself. I cannot do it all on my own.

I'm so grateful I began the journey of learning about God through reading His word to me...and even more grateful that He would choose to intertwine and weave a beautiful picture of who He is through Scripture and Bible study and fellowship with others.

Letting Go and Moving On...

Yesterday, I had a great (but at times hard) talk with a friend. I have been struggling with a few things and was able to chat with her. What's so amazing and cool is that as I'm reading through the OT (Leviticus now), God is bringing His Truth VERY alive. After talking with my friend, I've realized that I've accepted lies and entertained them and allowed them to grow. No more! I wrote them out and am offering them tonight as a burnt offering to God. Woo hoo! Letting go of the lies to embrace the Truth. And what's amazing is that as I've been reading through Leviticus, it's spoken about burnt offerings. I'm so excited for tonight! There is power and healing in His Name and I'm bound and determined to be set free from this struggle of not seeing myself as worthy.

New insights

One of the biggest thoughts rolling through my mind when I knew I was going to read through the entire Bible, was...I've already read all of Genesis before...what's going to be different this time? Once again, God has showed me that His Word is living. Different thoughts and verses have popped out as I've been reading along.

Today, I finished Genesis.

Genesis 50 - 19 But Joseph said to them, "Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? 20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. 21 So then, don't be afraid. I will provide for you and your children." And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.

I love that what was intended for harm, God used for good. I love that Joseph was able to find reconciliation with his brothers. I love that Joseph's father, Jacob, was able to see his beloved son again.

Another bit of information that was in my Bible was the lineage of Jacob's sons. It reminded me once again, the importance of legacies.

On to Exodus...praying again that God will speak new to me in this book.

Finishing up Job

Wow...I never realized how many verses in Job I cling to. I finished reading the book of Job today and, of course, was amazed at how God brought it to Job. Where were you when I created the this, this, and this? Job realized God's awesome power and that His knowledge is the knowledge that's worth having.

Job 42:2-3 - "I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?' Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.

I was able to hang out with my friend, Angie, yesterday whose son is battling cancer again. She is very quick to point all of the glory back to the Glorious One. And knows that this battle glorifies Him somehow. Doors have been opened and testimonies shared throughout all of this.

As we were talking, I was thinking, who am I to question God's plan for my life right now? His knowledge is beyond mine and His plans are too wonderful for me to know. I silently told God yesterday that, yes, I do want to be in a relationship. I just want to know that I am loved. Fast foward to the night and I received a phone call from a friend who just wanted to tell me that I was loved...wow! God is soooooo good. It wasn't what I was anticipating, but God continues to surround me with amazing people and even though I feel (at times) that a small part of life is missing...God continues to show me that He is a Provider and will be with me on this journey.

A Morning Message...

I am still committed to reading through the Bible in a year (or however long it takes) and currently and am in Job. I'm actually quite thankful that I chose the chronological plan because it'll break up the Old Testament quite nicely. I will have twp months or so where I am reading straight through Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy. Today, I decided to use the Blue Letter Bible website and dive into a few verses. I looked back at Job 6:11 which says "What strength do I have, that I should still hope? What prospects, that I should be patient?" (BTW, this verse hits quite deep for certain reasons) and investigated a few of the words. One being hope...It appears 45 times in 40 verses in the OT. Eight times in Job. Hope also meant to wait, await, tarry, or expect.

Currently, I am in a season of waiting. However, reading through Job reminds me that in the bleakest of moments, if my trust is solely in my Redeemer (as Job states), then I still have hope. I was listening to a podcast that talked about what and Who we put our hope in. It all fits together so nicely in my brain. I can know, without a shadow of a doubt, that God has a perfect plan for my life and while right now I may want other things added to my life, waiting is what God has. Waiting brings trust and hope. Waiting doesn't mean sitting back and doing nothing. Waiting means actively pursuing God every day and serving Him.

I am so thankful that right now I am reading through Job and get to witness a godly man who continued to hope despite his circumstances.

A Challenge

I am challenging myself...to read the entire Bible. I found a chronological plan and am going to commit to reading through it. It may take more than a year or less (depending on how much I read a day). Like a good friend said, if I need to camp out in something longer than what the plan says, I'll do it. Another friend showed me the Blue Letter Bible website, so I have many tools now. I ask my students to read 15 minutes an evening...so shouldn't I? Today was the first day...how many days does it take something to become a habit? I'll occasionally update my progress or let you know what I'm learning.