Not happy

I am not happy with myself. I am not happy with my choices. And I've become unhappy with my weight. And the sad part is that I am still at my goal weight. 

I haven't listened to my body. I've given in to the lie that food brings comfort. I'm diving back into old habits of eating too many snacks and knowing that I am mindlessly eating. 

With moving upon me, boxes everywhere, life being lived in two cities, it's time to remember why I began Weight Watchers. 

It's time to choose good choices because surrendering today brings freedom tomorrow. Changing my life is good. Changing habits can set up a healthy family, if God chooses to bless us with children.

 I've never shared my weight on here. Right now, it wouldn't help to share the number. We are all at different points in the journey. And while the receptionists shared that they would love to be where I am, I'm ready to feel free again and not slaved to food, my number, my choices. Just free to listen to what my body needs. 

It happened...

After 15 showings, we have an offer!  Of course, nothing is final until we close, but I'm more hopeful that we will close and not have any issues.  

So incredibly thankful and so incredibly excited to not have to stage the house and crate the cat every few hours.  

However, the good that has come from this is realizing how much better it is to have minimal decorating as opposed to "clutter" decorating.  I'm hoping that by paring down what we had out, it'll carry over into our new house.  I've also made the bed (which NEVER happened before).  It definitely makes the room look nicer.

Well, I'm off to pack a few boxes...Gilmore Girls will definitely be playing in the background.

WIAW (on Tuesday)

I haven't captured my meals often, but by doing it, it also helped me hold to my tracking a bit better.  I know being home during the days is definitely harder for me.  I tend to mindlessly eat, so filling my days with other activities helps.  I push myself to go walk and listen to podcasts to get my 10,000 daily step goal, read books, get together with friends, and now I get to pack!!!  :)

Blueberries before breakfast (coffee not shown)

Cottage cheese pancakes with bananas and SF maple syrup

Snack before lunch

Looks disgusting, but veggie burger salad with avocado!  Yum!

I roasted peppers, onions, carrots, and pineapple.  Love the Silpat!

Brown rice (how do people cook this well?), the veggies and pineapple, and grilled chicken

Pretzels with PB2 and half of an unbaked brownie from Chocolate Covered Katie

Emotions

Today I am feeling them.  A lot of them.  It started last night and I can't seem to put my finger on it.

Frustrated, fear, worthlessness, boredom, anxiousness, confusion, thankfulness, love, overwhelmed, fear...

And they just keep cycling.

I'm thankful that during my moodiness, my husband just walks through it with me.  He's frustrated too and just wants to help, but I don't know how to explain it all yet.  (And yes, shark week is approaching, but I think it's deeper than that).

We've had 8 showings.  And no offers.  Granted, it's only been a week and maybe today an offer will come in.  But the same two words keep coming up.  Cute and small.  They says it's cute.  I've done a good job with it and the staging.  But it's too small.  Cute is good.  Small is not.

We still have six weeks before we close on our next house and we can carry two mortgages for a small time, but I don't want to have to.

This is a scary road for me.  Trusting.  Combine that with many hours at home and you have an equation that could result in a positive answer or a negative answer.  I try to fill some time with walking and listening to podcasts.

Yesterday, I knew I was about to mindlessly eat.  Instead, I chose to leave the house, walk to the gym early, and read a book.  I didn't have any food at the gym to eat, so I was able to get fresh air, exercise my body and mind, and win over the mindless eating.  Today, the adventure is going through recipes I've torn out and deciding if I ever will really make them or not.  A walk is scheduled and I'm sure I'll be taking another walk and listening to another podcast.

This post feels like my head...all over the place, but I also hope that by getting it out, it will stop circling in my head like a group of vultures.

I lied...

Well, I lied.  Mostly to myself.

My husband and I found the cutest, biggest dream home.  It's a 4 bedroom, 3 bath, with an amazing kitchen, potential room for a library, a three-seasons room, and a wrap-around porch.

The problem?  We should sell our current home.  Yes, thankfully, right now we are blessed with enough finances to handle two mortgages for a few months, but I'd rather let go of this one and move on to the next one.

Closing on the new house is July 31 (six weeks from now) or when we sell this home.

Tuesday was the day of signing all of the paperwork. Bam!  Signage in the yard happened.

And a few showings happened.  One on Tuesday (probably not).  Four on Wednesday (heard from two of them - one is considering is and one thought it was too small).  We have another showing tonight.

I lied.  Many of my friends have said, "You'll sell it in a week."

So I was holding out for a miracle.  A 24 hour miracle.

Granted, I don't know what the other two showings or tonight will bring, but I was secretly hoping that one person would see it and we'd have an offer.

I wanted a quick fix.  But anything worth getting is not worth a quick fix, right?