Take one step

When I first got out of college, I subbed and ended up taking a maternity leave for a computer class. I loved it and made many new relationships (some I am still in touch with). I was young and ended up making a mistake. I made a comment to a student and ended up following through with it. Now, before you go off the deep end, I told her that I wouldn't talk to her for one class if she didn't bring me cookies. Again, you had to have been at the track meet and know that I had already established a relationship with her (joking and all). It was meant as a joke...but when I didn't talk with her for the beginning of the class period (which I think was only 20 minutes), but regardless it wasn't professional. Turns out she didn't have certain projects in which hurt her grade which hurt midterms which kicked her off of the track team for a period of time. I ended up with a vicious phone call from her mother and she has forever been etched in my mind.

I've seen her over the past nine years and I get a pang in my stomach every time I see her. Lately, I see her all of the time at the Y. I pass her on the treadmill while I walk the track. I just want to walk up and officially apologize to her.

Yesterday I talked with my friend (during an amazing run) about how I am tempted to move out of the country just so I can depend on God. Well, today I did something about it. I prayed and walked right up to her as bold as I possibly could. I explained who I was (she already knew), I apologized (she accepted it), and we caught up on where she is in life. She then mentioned how she had known who I was and wondered if I had remembered who she was (how could I not?).

It was great to let go of this regret that I had as a younger teacher. It was great to step up and not care about my image, but to do the right thing. It was great to trust God for those steps.

I am currently reading through Beth Moore's new book about insecurity. I'm excited to step forward in faith and trust God for how He sees me and not others.