Sunday, February 6, 2011

It rears its ugly head again...

Some rambling is about to come. I'm using this post to help process, but to also ask for help. And while I don't want to go into great detail, I struggle with being jealous of a friend. I think what the lie is that comes with the jealousy is that I want to be recognized. I want recognition of how great of a teacher I am. I want to be seen as special.

To help combat this, I was reminded today by a dear college small group girl that Jesus needs to clean this. I am going to write down some verses to help combat the lies that I am facing. I was reminded that what I do is not for my glory, but for God's. What I do daily, in all areas of life, are called to be pleasing to him. I am committing to as I feel this jealousy, to pray for the people involved and for God to be glorified in it. I'm asking my friends to pray for me. Do you have any more ideas?

Today in church, the pastor that spoke asked for us to think about where God has us right now. I think sometimes I place way too much emphasis on being a teacher and being single. I forgot that first and foremost, I am a child of the King and He has given me gifts to use for Him. Then the lie that plagues me, is - if I am not a great teacher, than what am I?

It all comes down to small words. I want to be "the" and I need to learn that "a" is also great. I need to remember that all good gifts come from up above. What God has given me goes beyond my teaching. I am single now for a reason. To glorify Him. I am a teacher now for a reason. To glorify Him. I am where I am for a reason. To glorify Him.

So am I?

Not sure if any of this makes sense to you, but I also know that by voicing my fears and struggles, God can use it to change me.

I want to be different. I want to be confident. I want to boast in Him.


Anonymous said...

I think that your feeling poorly about your jealousy is the Holy Spirit convicting you. Perhaps you are feeling that the jealosy separates you from God? Allowing that to prevail will only take away the Glory of God. But more importantly it will cause a hardening of the heart, and the work of the Lord will be even more difficult. I am so proud of you for recognizing your convictions and wanting to do something about it. You realize that there is something greater than just being teacher and friend, but being a child of God can be eternal. Praying for you...

Shirley said...

I happened across your blog today and I just want to encourage you. I remember very well being single, getting older while everyone around me was getting married. I remember it very well. My advice - absolutely don't settle!! Wait for the one that the Lord has out there for you - it will be well worth the wait :)

The verse that popped into my head about confidence is this:

Hebrews 10:35-36 (New Living Translation)
35 So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you! 36 Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.