My dad...

Tonight has been awesome! My dad is visiting. He moved to Virginia in January due to retirement. I'm glad he's happy. I miss having him so close and didn't realize the advantage I had when he was only 20 minutes away. That drive took too long. Couldn't fit into my busy schedule. Ha...I was stupid and selfish!

Having him here tonight was not only beneficial...fixed three door handles, one door hinge, helped me purchase items for my bathroom project (that someone else will do), visited with friends at a local sand volleyball, and in general just had a good time.

Looking back, I wish I would have spent more time with him. However, the only thing I can do is seize today and try and be in better contact with family in the future.

Gifts

A friend recently talked about how the present is so exciting for praise music, simply because we have so many gifted song writers out there that seem to write what I couldn't express in my own words. Which in turn, leads me closer to God.

Tomorrow, I get to sit before many authors who are passionate about literacy and children and teaching...people after my own heart. I am thankful that they use their gifts to pass knowledge on to us, who in turn, pass it on to others.

Today, at church, I discussed a small problem my bathroom is encountering with a guy that I know is pretty handy. He (immediately) offered to come, look at it, and help fix it. I was not expecting him to take on the project, maybe just point me towards someone who is gifted in that area.

The gifts that you have been given are not for yourself...you have been created and crafted in such a way that begs to given to others. Whatever gifts you are blessed with, give. What you have to offer to others is amazing...never doubt it!

In other thinking...

I need to get over myself. I have way too much to drown myself in sorrows. I have been blessed with a loving family, a house, a steady job, a great church family, friends who would do almost anything for me, material possessions out the wazoo, a gift of teaching which brings me great joy, and a Creator who thought enough of me to plan tons of great things and all He wants is my love...guess when you look at life in that lens, everything is much better!

Illusions...

My friend wrote on facebook that she felt I was one of the most selfless people she knows...so why am I writing to tell the blogging world about this? Because it feels like a lie. I'm not. I'm selfish...we all are. On Sunday, during a drive, I listened to a podcast about the illusion that we create, but God knows the truth. The truth is freeing...so why do I feel trapped? And I hate to even write about it here...simply because I have friends that read this and other people that I know read this and complete strangers read this. My greatest fear is that I write and share what goes on in my head and people take that vulnerability and share it with others. Part of my blog is dedicated to the process of who I am becoming and right now I don't know if what I am becoming is more of an illusion or if I am letting out the real me.

I was at a friend's house tonight and amongst many people. I wanted to crawl back into my safe hole of a house...so I did. I don't know if it's because I just need to be alone, but then again, maybe being alone is not what I need. I used to want to be the life of the party...now I could care less about large groups.

I chatted with a dear friend today and shared a huge struggle, but was unable to follow through on my end...control is not always good. Summer comes with positives and negatives...I have lots of time to do what I want to do, but on the other hand, I have lots of time for thinking and processing. I know I need it...I know it's painful...I know that the end result should be better than my current situation, but what that's going to be and when it'll occur, I have no idea.

What fun...

Tonight my girls and I zumbaed (is that a word???) and then listened to a podcast on idols. I finally had enough guts and courage to ask them to shut off or put phones on vibrate cause their texting during group get togethers can be considered rude. We listened to the podcast then talked. It was great! So wonderful to talk with them and just hear how things are with them. Afterwards, one of my older girls just sat and discussed what was going on with her life...it was wonderful!

One of the biggest comments that sticks out in my mind came from Blue Like Jazz (a girl in our group is reading it and had a connection) - And I may be paraphrasing..."Falling in love with God is what gives us the fuel to obey."

And while we were sharing tonight, I shared with the girls that I used to hold being single for the rest of my life as a possible deal breaker with God, but lately, I am more okay with it. Not saying I wouldn't ever want to be married, but for the time being, I am more content than I think I have ever been. My girl who goes so deep (and is reading Blue Like Jazz) asked me what caused the turn around...and honestly, I don't know. Since the "break-up" in February, I think God has really brought a lot of truth to me about who I am and who He is and that through this, I can depend on Him. He can be my Healer and my Redeemer and my Provider, if I'll let Him be. So for today, that's enough. And tomorrow, He'll be enough again...it's a day by day journey.

Progress

Today I was doing lunges on the upstairs track at the Y and felt the need to explain why I was going the wrong way to an older gentleman who was walking the track. I didn't quite catch all of his words, but the gist was that he noticed the transformation I have undergone physically. It was very kind of him to say something. And just to show others who don't know me or didn't know me back then, I'm posting two photos of me as a bridesmaid...one from a week ago and one from several years ago.

Tonight

Tonight was my girls' graduation (my church small group girls). We finally got a picture together (all of us). It was such a beautiful time and I was so glad to take pictures with them and just be there on part on their journey. I have been truly blessed and honored to have walked with them and I'm excited to see what the next few years hold for them.

On another note, I saw a student who I had in my first class ever and as luck would have it, I had a bag of pictures to go through while the reading of the names went on (there were over 400...cut me some slack). I gave her some of the pictures that she was in and during the party where we had decorated gingerbread houses, she said she remembered that my sister had come that day to help. I didn't even remember that. It was neat to reflect for a moment with her.

I'm so glad that I have chosen education as my profession and that I've been a small group leader...tonight's moments reassure me.