Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Becoming Updates...

Okay, so as the quite moments of the girls writing letters to themselves ended, we settled in for a peaceful night, right? WRONG, SO WRONG. The girls were playing around and ended up blowing the pilot out on the gas fireplace...which I didn't know how to restart. I called the family and felt horrible. After a few failed attempts I ended up getting it relit, but not without images of carbon monoxide poisoning throughout the night. Two...I slept HORRIBLE! I'm going on a few restless hours on the floor...How did I end up on the floor? Isn't that where they are supposed to sleep and I get a couch? Oh well..I'll take a nap this afternoon. update on the risk. And most people have figured it out. I've been communicating with a guy and just getting to know him. It's been fun and I truly enjoy the "chats" that we've had. However, I feel like I am trading one obsession (food and exercise) for another (does he like me and still want to get to know me). I find myself checking my e-mail more than I should...just waiting for him to send me an e-mail.

Say what you want, but I have never (that I can remember) had a guy that really and truly pursued ME for the purpose of getting to know ME...that there was something about ME that drew him in. Granted, if I am ever in a serious relationship I will be able to give a man my whole heart knowing that I haven't been through a lot of relationships and carrying the baggage that comes with them. blah blah blah.

But where my mind goes when I don't receive the e-mail are my fears. That I've finally said something that caused him to stop wanting to communicate, that we're not compatible, that I'm not enough or I'm too much (I need to reread my Captivating book). I found myself laying awake a lot last night and just praying: for me, for him, for life in general. I know that God can work through anything and that no matter what happens, God is good. My circumstances do not cause that truth to change...but just once, I'd love for the goodness of God to happen to me in a relationship (I know...I have many people who love me, but just once...can't a guy see there's more?)

To those of you who just read this, thanks for jumping into the heart of me...there are days that I wish I would have created a more anonymous blog...but I guess there's beauty in being honest and real, right?


Anonymous said...

Obsessing over guys used to be a specialty of mine until I met my husband. :) Good luck!

Live, Laugh, Love! said...

I'm so excited for you, Cathy! One thing you will definitely learn and it took me a few relationships to figure this one women we are constantly worrying about if they like us and if we are saying/doing/wearing the right thing. They don't care....they don't really think about that much. While we lose sleep worrying about things that we can't change they are sleeping the night away. :) Enjoy it, girl!

Sarah Amick said...

Woo hooo! So glad for you girl.
I can't tell you not to obsess, matters of the heart make us obsessive! It will work out for the good, I'm sure. Your heart will hurt, be joyful, maybe even feel pain, but in the end you will learn. I hope it all turns out happily for both of you. I'd like to tell you to guard your heart but I married for love, and I am still enjoying (12 years later) that love. So allow it in...I'm glad you allow us some insights into your heart.. It makes of love you even more.