Friday, October 24, 2008

Why am I not grateful?

For the past few weeks, I have known that a lymph node was swollen and the doctor that I saw wanted me to see a surgeon to have a biopsy. I went to the surgeon today and he decided that I don't need a biopsy right now. He wants me to watch it for the next two months and if it changes, to let him know.

I should feel happy that he doesn't think it's cancerous and that I shouldn't be alarmed...but to be honest, I feel like there is no closure. I still have a larger than normal lymph node and it's been that way for months. Why am I not grateful? It's been a bumpy ride the past few weeks and I feel like I haven't been able to give all of myself fully to my classroom...just waiting for time to pass.

Now that it's over, will I feel like I am back to my normal self? Time (once again) will tell.

1 comment:

Sarah Amick said...

Cathy, we will pray that time will go quickly and that you will be able to fill your days with meaning, so that you can forget about worry. My husband recently went through this with his tonsils (one was bigger than the other, which could mean cancer) we had to be very persistent with doctors, but in the end it all turned out fine.
Speak loudly for yourself, and tell others when you don't feel you've been heard. The rest will fall into place.
My friend has a saying when tough times come, she says, "It may be a time when you need the Lord to just carry you" Sometimes I get it and sometimes it means nothing.