I drove to visit my sister today before we board a train to visit another sister. I had several hours to sit in the car, listen to my iPod, sing out loud, and just think. I currently am not dating anyone (unless you count the treadmill) and really have no prospects. Lately, I have been crushing on one person, but I don't feel that this will lead anywhere for several reasons: 1) I don't think he's a believer, 2) I don't think he likes me (he just jokes with me when we work out - I met him through the gym, and 3) guys don't ever seem to think of me as more than just a friend.
As I was talking with another friend of mine, she said that maybe my expectations are too high. I have never really wanted to drop my expectations. I don't see them as being too high. All I'm asking for is (the basic requirements): 1) a believer (with hopes that he will be a spiritual leader or at least be willing to grow), 2) someone I enjoy being with and can be myself with, 3) someone who adores me and likes me for who I am and not who I could be, and 4) a guy who enjoys doing some of the same things that I do.
Is that asking too much? I know that who I am now is a better person. I am physically healthier, emotionally healthier, and hopefully stronger spiritually. I am glad that I wasn't in a relationship a few years ago. I am not the same person. But some days, it's just really hard when you see your family and friends in loving relationships.
I know that God's plan is ultimately the best and I need to cling to that...but I just long to know...will it ever happen for me? Is God calling me to be single or will I ever be married?
This song today, as I listened to it, is what I want to be the cry from my heart...it's from Hillsong United and it's called, "From the Inside Out."
Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Your light will shine when all else fades
Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out